I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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