this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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