my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
