Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
