Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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