we have officially lost it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
