is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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