So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
