It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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