Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
