one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
