She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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