There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
