why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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