Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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