dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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