I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
