I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You ruined the universe
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
