I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
