I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
