I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
