I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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