alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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