Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
