White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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