If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
