We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
