Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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