DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
