remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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