She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
