Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
