I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
