why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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