Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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