Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
