You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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