This is not my ceiling
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
