I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
