I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
