no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
