just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
