i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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