your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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