Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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