I bet he comes in French.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
