no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
