i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
