So drunk its hurt
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
