Who wears a wallet chain?!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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