dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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