I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.