God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
