soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN