you suck at this game today
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?