Texts From Last Night

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  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (683) Bad night (6781)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face

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  (518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face http://tfl.nu/t4mk
  Replies (17) Good night (771) Bad night (2900)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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  (516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt
  Replies (13) Good night (920) Bad night (4244)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

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  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6613) Bad night (1934)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now

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  (519): You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now http://tfl.nu/uorn
  Replies (9) Good night (1123) Bad night (3711)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

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  (816): I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring http://tfl.nu/n1of
  Replies (2) Good night (2202) Bad night (756)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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  (240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr
  Replies (12) Good night (2567) Bad night (717)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.

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  (561): Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear. http://tfl.nu/ad52
  Replies (7) Good night (1568) Bad night (719)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.

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  (202): I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas. http://tfl.nu/fady
  Replies (0) Good night (1166) Bad night (529)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
  Replies (4) Good night (933) Bad night (419)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"

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  (803): I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge" http://tfl.nu/k0vq
  Replies (4) Good night (1348) Bad night (490)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.

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  (440): My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b. http://tfl.nu/x8nr
  Replies (6) Good night (773) Bad night (630)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...

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  (512): I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously... http://tfl.nu/ew5g
  Replies (0) Good night (539) Bad night (353)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter

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  (509): Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter http://tfl.nu/j2tp
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (255)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed

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  (563): Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed http://tfl.nu/haef
  Replies (0) Good night (332) Bad night (126)

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