There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter