Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

  (650): View more from California

  LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

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  (415): WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!! (650): LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops! http://tfl.nu/mj23
  Replies (4) Good night (1277) Bad night (1012)
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  (716): View more from New York

  fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.

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  (716): fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck. http://tfl.nu/62ha
  Replies (1) Good night (736) Bad night (926)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.

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  (912): I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight. http://tfl.nu/g7kq
  Replies (31) Good night (7465) Bad night (831)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

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  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7742) Bad night (1438)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.

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  (516): Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer. http://tfl.nu/tp9x
  Replies (5) Good night (2422) Bad night (953)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.

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  (207): He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job. http://tfl.nu/muvn
  Replies (7) Good night (2357) Bad night (1305)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes

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  (208): No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes http://tfl.nu/t8pf
  Replies (7) Good night (1198) Bad night (2810)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention

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  (228): I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention http://tfl.nu/1mmd
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (873)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.

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  (740): your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head. http://tfl.nu/v5j8
  Replies (13) Good night (1147) Bad night (2158)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!

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  (708): Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player! http://tfl.nu/3jxt
  Replies (8) Good night (3689) Bad night (759)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.

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  (901): mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again. http://tfl.nu/wn4g
  Replies (8) Good night (887) Bad night (1539)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.

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  (215): You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk. http://tfl.nu/rohk
  Replies (10) Good night (2857) Bad night (906)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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  (847): being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk http://tfl.nu/qiyf
  Replies (6) Good night (1106) Bad night (548)
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  (626): View more from California

  I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.

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  (626): I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger. http://tfl.nu/jsvx
  Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (565)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.

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  (256): If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch. http://tfl.nu/w52p
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (222)

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