hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
