He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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