can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
