i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
