so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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