He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
