it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
