i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
