dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
