Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
