And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
