mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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