Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
