Swine flu. Run for my life!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
