im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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