she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my poor anus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
