I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
