I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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