dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
