I wish my penis had an off switch
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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